Hello again!
It’s been a while since my last blog and I’m glad to be back! This time, with my co-conspirator Mr. Mark Noel. π Just wanted to fill you in on our adventures to India and New Zealand. These trips are for two special reasons – our dear friends Sheetal and Sushanth’s wedding, and our honeymoon!
We started off with three days in Bangalore, India for a quite memorable wedding ceremony. It was traditional Hindu with a mixture of rituals from the bride and groom’s local regions of India. We had so much fun with the bride and groom, their families, and our good friends from the US (many of whom are Penn friends or friends of Penn). We were so well taken care of that we never had to worry about arranging anything – and “India standard time” often thwarted any solid plans anyway π
Speaking of the unexpected, Mark and I occasionally felt like minor celebs among the locals who weren’t accustomed to seeing tall white people everyday. Mark was pulled aside by four different groups for a photo while we were touring local botanical gardens. I thought that he should wear an NBA jersey and then see what kind of stir he could make π I was called for a selfie with a little Indian boy, and my pucker face sent his whole group of schoolmates into peals of laughter. It was fun to be a source of joy and entertainment.
I had a similar experience while shopping for saris – I had to be measured for my height because they weren’t sure what to do with someone as tall as me. Quite the contrast from the “short jokes” that I’m often the butt of in the super-tall Scandinavian bubble that I call home. Sari shopping was in itself a learning experience – turns out there are many options (!), from saris to lehengas for women and kurtas to sherwanis for men.
We spent hours on the “fashion street” exploring the clothing stores dedicated to traditional Indian formalwear, with the kindness and patience of Sheetal’s cousins. Mark found a gold patterned sherwani with blue velvet trim, and I also went with an elegant blue/gold. We loved all the colorful options! There was no simple black/white/neutral available anywhere. Indian clothing is meant to make a splash. Accessories follow the same rule: pile on as many as possible. Simplicity and modesty are out the window; “less is more” is a phrase unheard of. The wedding was an explosion of color unlike anything I’ve ever seen.
The wedding rituals had a certain playfulness and energy that aligned with the colorfulness. On our first night, we attended and actually had a big role in the Sangeet. It’s an event where friends and family get up on stage and put on performances in honor of the bride and groom, sometimes making complete fools of themselves but it’s the effort that counts π As a big group, our friends put on a skit recounting their love story. I was so honored to play the part of Melissa in the skit (i.e. myself)! I was Sheetal’s roommate and friend during their early dating years, so I’m fortunate to be part of the storyline. I also got to dance Bollywood-style during one act and backup-sing a BeyoncΓ© song. While us young people brought laughter and spunk, it was also great to see traditional song and dance from family members. Henna was another highlight, something that I’ll proudly show off for the next week or so (until it wears off)!
The following wedding day was a series of fun and meaningful rituals, starting with the Baraat where the groom’s side parades down the street. It was like a floating party, alongside a loud marching band and the groom who arrived on horseback. It symbolized the groom’s family/friends traveling from their homes to be welcomed by the bride’s family, and the young couple would usually stay with the bride’s parents after the wedding.
Once inside, the couple played out a traditional scene where the groom learns the evils of the world and considers becoming a monk, until the bride’s parents convince him otherwise because the bride loves him. The bride enters, looking stunning, and they playfully exchange garlands while being hoisted into the air. Tall Man Mark was drafted by Team Sush, to help lift Sush up on his shoulder during the exchange of garlands (the winner is the first to successfully place the garland on the other). Turns out there were few men with a football player’s stature in attendance. Ten minutes after we walked in the door, we got to be a central part of the fun!
People had told me that the ceremony stretches on for hours and it’s boring and you can’t tell what’s going on because it’s all in Sanskrit. I really found it to be the opposite. Yes, it seemed like a long day for the bride and groom, but the twenty or so sequential rituals were clearly explained and narrated for all of us newcomers. Additionally, me and sometimes Mark were called up on “stage” (for lack of the actual term) to keep the bride and groom company, to offer our blessings, and cheer them on for other game-like elements of the ceremony. It was such an honor to play the role of “elder” married couple with something to offer, close supporter of the bride and groom, and augment the female group that would traditionally be reserved for sisters (which the couple don’t have). I’m told that friends rarely get to be involved in so much, and that this was one of the best Indian weddings ever – so I consider us very lucky to be part of this special ceremony for two of our best friends.
One surprising element to us westerners was that in and among these rituals, people milled around and talked with each other, even as the ceremony was going on. We all ate lunch in shifts near the end of the ceremony while the couple and their families kept going with the priest. Mark and I had our caricature drawn, and a group actually gathered to watch it come together. I had to do some sleuthing on etiquette, but apparently it’s perfectly fine and expected that there is loud chatter going on during the wedding. Talking on your cell phone is a no-no. Sheetal told me that she trusted our friends not to be rude, but I can’t say I trusted myself until I asked since it’s so different from what I’ve seen at weddings in the US!
I haven’t spoken much about food yet, which is out of character for me in these blogs π Bangalore is known for being a foodie’s paradise, though the wedding is where the food really shone. We indulged in a 24-course meal (seriously) near the end of the wedding ceremony, which was was served on a banana leaf and tasted SO good. Nearly every meal was exclusively vegetarian, which is typical for for South India and heaven for me π Dosas, idlis, chutneys, stews, and chaat were the name of the game and present at almost every meal. The food is often brightly colored and seasoned with turmeric, cumin, and cardamom. They do love to serve carbs and fried food, so we’re looking forward to a slight reprieve back to fresh food (and I think Mark would kill for a breakfast of scrambled eggs and bacon). It was fun to finally get to taste authentic Indian food, since it’s one of our favorite cuisines!
In all my travels, I think that this new city was the one where we stuck out of the crowd the most. We seemed to be the only westerners wherever we went, and as such, we towered above the heads around us. They say many people in India have never seen a white person and we both received a lot of looks through a car window or across a dining room. We, in turn, watched the locals – for example, mixing the rice with a stew using only the fingers on their right hand, and tried to mimic it. (Left hand is traditionally reserved for other purposes and is considered less sanitary – use your imagination, not that we tried ;)). People were always kind and never bothered us a bit. Even in Minneapolis I’m more often haggled or shouted at on the street than we were in Bangalore. We also received oodles of compliments on how well we carried Indian formalwear, which was very sweet of the aunties to say π It was a new experience for me to be in a less touristy city where we were clearly the visitors/guests, and it gives me a new perspective being mainly the “majority” at home.
We had such a great time at this wedding, and we owe it to the bride and groom, their generous families especially, and the awesome group of friends that surround them. We spent bus rides with our friend crew in peals of laughter, even early in the morning and after a full hot day. We got to tour the sights of Bangalore as a group, including botanical gardens (we saw un-caged monkeys up close for a feeding frenzy!), shopping on Commercial Street, and taking it all in. For instance, our group was amazed by the stray cows that seemed to frequent the busiest intersections of Bangalore (and sometime decide it was time to lay down in the middle of traffic), and all the cars and scooters knew to just go around. Since basically every driver in India could compete in some masterful driving competition, it didn’t seem to phase them.
Cow in the road
Cricket practice
Visiting a Hindu temple
Off to New Zealand for some relaxation, adventuring, and honeymooning!
Love,
Melissa